


The three times Toby had to provide emotional comfort

by DarkHorseAsh



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Dreams and Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Lies, Multiple Sclerosis, Nightmares, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-27
Updated: 2017-01-27
Packaged: 2018-09-20 04:03:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9474893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkHorseAsh/pseuds/DarkHorseAsh
Summary: Spoilers through season two.  In season two, we see what Toby says to Sam, right before Leo is going to tell Sam about the president's MS.  What if Toby said that to C.J. and Josh, too?  What if he ended up being the most emotionally sound of the four?





	

He said the same thing to all three of them before Leo pulled them off into his office to tell them that the president of the United States, a president who they all treated like family, had been lying to them and putting them in an impossible position for years. ‘I'll be here in the office when you're done.”  Unable to say what he wants to, despite years of talking and writing for a living, hoping they’ll come to him rather than sit alone in the dark. And in some way or another, they came.  All of them came.

 

Leo tells C.J. first.  Toby is sitting behind his desk trying to write a speech for an upcoming thing the president is speaking at.  He can’t even tell what it’s for, brain in a million places that are not his small office.  The door bangs open, drawing Toby’s attention immediately as C.J. all but bursts into his office.  Toby takes one look at her face and moves to close the door, nodding towards the couch.  C.J. slumps onto it, studying him intently.  “You already know.”  It’s not a question, so he feels no need to confirm this, just gives half a nod as he sits down next to her.  “Yep.  They told me a week or so ago.”  She nods, shifting to rest her head on his shoulder, eyes dark.  “Every time he has a doctor’s appointment I’ve technically been lying to the media, Toby!  Every time.  I could be in serious trouble here and Leo didn’t even seem to care when I mentioned that to him!”  Toby sighs, wrapping an arm loosely around her shoulder, struggling to find the words to say.  “He’s got a hell of a lot of pressure, Claudia.  And on top of everything political, this is his best friend we’re talking about who is going to be attacked here.”  She nods slightly sighing.  

 

“Am I in legal trouble here, Toby?  The truth, please.”  Toby seems to think for a moment before giving his head half a shake.  She visibly relaxes, some of the fear in her eyes lessening.  “Ok.  You knew he was going to tell me, didn’t you.”  Toby wonders for a moment how it is that she seems to know the answer to every question without him having to answer it, so he doesn’t move, just shifts so that he can stretch out his free hand.  “The guys are going to have a harder time with this than me, Toby.  Ever since the shooting Josh is pretty prone to panic attacks, and Sam...after what happened with his dad….Bartlet is just another father figure betraying him and the last time one of those betrayed him he slept in your office for a week!”  Toby doesn’t respond, not wanting her to know he hadn’t known about that till a long while later.  “I know.”  She nods, standing, smiling slightly down at him.  “Thanks, Toby.”  

 

Leo holds off on telling Josh till the next day, something that Toby is very, very grateful for.  He isn’t good at comforting, and one person a day is already over his limit.  Josh gives him a confused look when he says it, but just shrugs.  Today Toby doesn’t even put up the pretense of working, sits behind his desk with his fourth cup of coffee for the day, trying to drown out the tiredness that stemmed from not sleeping for over twenty-four hours.   _ After I make sure Josh is ok, I’ll take a nap.  Assuming I don’t have too much caffeine in me to do that. _  The bang of a door closed too fast has him on his feet and in the hall, seeing Leo just before he hears him yell, “JOSH.”  Toby groans inwards, ducking back into his office to grab a thing or two before hurrying down the hallway, noticing Leo isn’t there anymore, trying to figure out where he would go if he was Josh.  In the end, he pulls out his phone and calls him a dozen times before Josh answers, tensing up in worry at how awful Josh sounds when he mutters where the rarely used meeting room that he is in is..  Toby is there in less than two minutes.  

 

“Hey, Joshua, cmon, it’s alright,”  Toby mutters, crouching down in front of the trembling younger man, who is slumped in a corner of the room.  His left hand is latched onto his ankle, shaking badly.  His right is tucked against his chest, which worries Toby almost as badly as the look on the young man’s face.  “Cmon Josh, look at me.”  Josh doesn’t move, bloodshot eyes staring at Toby’s hands.  Toby hesitates, moving slowly forward to sit next to Josh.  The young man turns to stare at him for a moment, before letting out a shaky whimper and scooting forward to sit as close to Toby as he can without actually touching him, eyes wide and pleading.  “T-t-toby.  P-please.”  He whimpers, turning his head against Toby’s shoulder and shakily locking his left hand around Toby’s arm.  Toby sighs, slipping his other arm around the boy and pulling him close, letting Josh latch onto him and bury his head against his chest.  Soft, heartbreaking cries come from the man.  Toby sighs, muttering as gently as he can.  “Easy, cmon Josh you need to breathe Sam’ll be mad at me if I let you suffocate.”  Josh doesn’t respond, so Toby sighs and leans back against the wall, the slight movement causing Josh to let out a terrified whine.  “P-p-please don’t leave me I’m so s-s-sorry please Toby.”  Even Toby, who, compared to most people, is heartless, can’t help but hurt for him.  “Not moving, kid.  Just relax.  You’re all good.”  

 

Toby doesn’t know how long they sit there, til Josh’s cries and whimpers subside into sobs which subside into soft cries until he is slumped against Toby, completely spent, still tightly gripping him like he’s going to up and leave him any moment.  Toby’s body aches from the awkward way he has been sitting but the only time he had moved at all was to mute his phone after the fifteenth call from Leo.  At least he thinks they were all Leo, he hadn’t looked.  If there had been an emergency Sam would have come and found them, he hopes.  But he doesn’t hope that nearly as much as he hopes that Leo hasn’t told Sam yet, not happy with the idea of his deputy alone in his office.  “Josh?”  Toby asks softly, relieved when Josh shifts slightly.  “You ok?”  Josh mutters something weakly before shifting so his head is more resting on Toby’s shoulder than buried in it.  “H-how could they not tell us, Toby.”  Toby just shakes his head, knowing exactly how the younger man is feeling.  “I don’t know, Josh.  I don’t know.”  Josh nods, looking down, clearly embarrassed.  Toby sighs, bringing his right hand around to roughly force Josh to look at him.  “Stop looking so sorry for yourself and embarrassed, Josh.  If I didn’t want to make sure you were ok, I would’ve left.  Which for the record even I wouldn’t do.”  He mutters something weakly, too quiet for Toby to hear until he repeats it.  “Leo did.  Leave me here.  He came in, saw me, and l-left.”  Raw anger hits Toby, who has to restrain himself from hitting something.  “And your hand?”  Josh shrugs.  “Ran into a door.”  Toby sighs, slowly standing and pulling Josh up with him.  “Cmon.  You need to sleep, and my couch is a hell of a lot comfier than I am.”  Josh nods, although he doesn’t release his grip and Toby, and Toby ends up taking some of his weight as he helps Josh back to his office.  To his relief, it doesn’t look like Sam has been told since he is still in his office.  Toby deposits Josh on the couch, where the younger man kicks off his shoes and curls up, basically asleep before he was even laying down.  Toby grabs a blanket from the drawer where he keeps a few (for Sam, though he won’t ever say it, in case his deputy started using his couch as a bed again) and tosses it over Josh.  The younger man doesn’t even twitch.  Toby sighs as he snaps at Ginger to, “Not let anyone in his office unless there were bombs being dropped on the capital and for the love of god, to NOT WAKE JOSH UP,” Before stalking across the floor to Leo’s office.  Leo takes one look at his face and lets him in, closing the door behind him.  “WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING LEAVING HIM THERE, LEO!”  Toby roars.  Leo glares at him, more annoyed than Toby had ever seen him.  “What are you talking about, Toby?”  Toby doesn’t bother to move, just stands staring at Leo with more anger in his eyes than Leo had thought to be possible.  “You saw him like that, in pain and  **broken** , Leo, and you LEFT him there?”  Toby demands.  Leo sighs, not looking terribly concerned.  “That was hours ago, Toby.  Why does it matter?  C.J. needed me.”  Toby moves forward till he is only a foot or so away from Leo, glaring at him with as much hatred as he can muster.  “I don’t give a damn who needed you.  I just left him asleep on my couch because he’s only now half calm out of pure exhaustion, Leo!  C.J. wouldn’t have cared if you’d told her, Hey, Josh needs me for a bit!  I know President Bartlet is your friend but I really don’t give a damn if this is more personal for you than it is for us because that boy should not have had to be broken twice by you in the span of five minutes.”  He stalks out of the room, relieved to find Josh is still asleep when he slips back into the room, pulls off his jacket and kicks off his shoes, grabs a blanket, and slumps down behind his desk with his jacket as a pillow.  Sam comes in two hours later, sees them both asleep and, smiling slightly to himself, stretches out on the floor in front of the desk with a blanket still in the drawer.  

  
  


Leo tells Sam two days later.  Two days of Toby spending every moment he can avoiding Leo, everything in him wanting to fight but knowing that he can’t and shouldn’t at least until Sam had been told.  A full hour after Leo called him in, Toby still can’t find Sam and he is starting to get really, truly afraid.  Sam finally wanders into Toby’s office with the lost look of a man who has just had his world ripped away for the second time in very few months.  Toby takes one look at the man and all but shoves him onto the couch, passing him his laptop and settling down in a chair next to him to write a speech.  Toby can see Sam visibly relaxing as they work, and amuses himself by thinking of how much Sam is just like him, both of them soothed into something resembling peace by writing.  Toby “leaves” at around ten pm.  He really just hides and watches, sighing when he sees Sam turn off the light and curl up on the couch at around ten thirty, although he isn’t terribly surprised.  Toby shrugs, giving up his plans of going home, lets himself into Sam’s office, and sleeps on the floor for the second time in three days. 

 

They settle into a routine over the next few days.  When breakfast shows up in Toby’s office before Sam wakes up, Toby insists it must be Josh even when Sam smiles knowingly at him over pancakes, the first real smile from his deputy in days.  Dinner shows up on Sam’s desk long after the man has already disappeared to Toby’s office, always food Toby likes.  Italian or Chinese.  Sam plays stupid, even when a sleeping bag mysteriously makes its way into the desk of his office.  Leo clearly knows, given both have turned a bookcase cabinet in each of the other’s offices into a closet at this point, but he still is only talking to Toby as much as he has to.  Toby doesn’t ask Sam why he sleeps here when he is upset, and tries to stifle the emotions in his chest that he doesn’t want to deal with.  Sam gives Leo a glare that is almost as deadly as Toby’s every time they pass in the hallway and sleeps with his head buried in the fabric of Toby’s couch, which smells like greasy food and cigars and alcohol, and it’s just so  _ Toby _ .  

 

Toby spends two weeks just waiting for Sam to break, to actually feel it, but he knows the young man is too anxious and afraid to let himself.  He might admit, just to himself, by the fifteenth day that he is hurting nearly as much as his deputy, who still wakes up with dark circles under his eyes and hasn’t slept with the light off since the fifth night.  Leo tries to corner Toby on the eighteenth night, tries to order him to “get control of his deputy.”  Toby controls his anger long enough to hiss out that he already is and stalks away before he can get truly mad.  

 

The screaming wakes him up on the twenty-third night, terrified heart-wrenching cries. Toby, never a sound sleeper with something like this, is on his feet in a moment.  It takes him seconds to remind himself where he is and go to his office, knowing on instinct that the only person here at whatever god-forsaken time of night it is is Sam.  He glances around the lit office, eyes taking the scene in in a moment.  Sam is shaking violently, clearly still asleep, whole body trembling.  Toby hesitates, unsure of what to do before crossing over to him.  He grabs Sam’s wrists in one hand and fights to restrain him while shaking the young man, desperately, with the other.  “Cmon Sam, wake up.  Wake up!”  Sam finally bolts upright, dislodging Toby’s hold and leaving him on the ground.  “T-toby?”  Toby nods, grimacing slightly as he gets back up.  “Yea, me.  You alright, Sam?”  He shrugs, shifting to rest his head on his hands. “Yea. I’m ok.  Thanks, Toby.”  Toby just nods, waiting till Sam is laying down and back asleep before slumping down on his side in front of his desk, pulling on his blanket, determined to watch Sam for the rest of the night.

 

The forty-third day, Josh has taken up this protest, if it really is that, too.  C.J. joins in two days later. Leo doesn’t even comment anymore, just shoots them hostile looks.  Toby sneaks back into his own office every night at eleven, wakes up at four thirty, goes and gets breakfast for himself and some to leave for Sam, and goes to his office.  

 

On the forty-fifth day of this bizarre thing, Sam wakes Toby up screaming again.  Josh and C.J. are somehow there by the time Toby is on his feet, all of them working together to comfort the youngest of their little group.  Sam curls against Toby, desperately trying to stop the tears that Toby can feel through his shirt.  Josh and C.J. just sit next to each other and try not to cry as Sam’s soft whines fill the air.  Toby sighs, muttering something to Sam, who actually smiles slightly and nods.  “Fiiiine, come here, guys.”  They both grin, slipping over to join in an awkward hug, all four of them holding each other.  The secretaries walk in on them like that in the morning.  They smile, and take about a dozen pictures, and go to get four servings of pancakes to leave on Toby’s desk, warm and delicious smelling.  Sam is the first to stir, head buried against Toby’s chest, Josh next to him and C.J. somewhere across from him.  He smiles slightly, inhaling Toby’s smell, the same as the couch, relaxing slightly at the familiar aroma.  Josh and C.J. and Toby are all stirring.  They all smile when they realize how they had slept, even Toby, though he follows it up by muttering about how much his legs hurt.  C.J. tosses him a bottle of Advil and tells him he is an old man  Sam grins, glancing over at Josh and knowing that he felt it, too.   _ This is family.  We will all be ok _ .  Sam smiles slightly at Toby, who gives up all pretense of restraint and just slips an arm around Sam and pulls him against him to kiss him.  He ignores C.J. and Josh’s gleeful noises in the background.  Sam pretends to not hear the sound of a camera, pulling away after a moment to just smile at Toby.   _ We will be ok _ .


End file.
